Warning! The following is fantasy, not reality

A Howard County, Maryland, horticulturist has discovered an exciting new variety of thyme growing in his herb garden.

“I’ve grown thyme for years,” explained Bob Gardener. “But this new plant is much more exciting. The traditional Thymus analogus leaves a lot to be desired. It’s just not dependable. This new cultivar seem to be 100% accurate at all times. Other than the difference in the flowers, the new plant is identical to the older ones growing right beside it. The leaves are small like those of the other plants, and they taste the same.”

Gardener has submitted a cutting to the National Herbal Registry for evaluation and assignment of a specific epithet. “This appears to be a truly exciting and new thyme variety,” commented Herb L. Essence, NHR spokesperson. “I must admit that its flowers put a whole new face on the concept of basic herbs, but with global warming anything is possible these days.”

The NHR verification process to verify the new variety actually keeps thyme more accurately will take approximately three growing seasons.

Naming the new variety already has created some controversy. “Mr. Gardener asked that we name it either Thymus clarksvillus or Thymus meadowglennia, after the location of its discovery, but our plant scientists think that since its flowers are always so amazingly accurate, it should be called Thymus digitalis,” commented Basil Pendulum, chief Latinist and director of name selection.

One person already anticipates growing the new herb. “I want four plants—one for the front yard, one for the back, one each for each side of the house,” explained Bob Gardener’s wife. “Then there will be no excuse for Bob to be late for supper. He’ll always be able to see what thyme it is.”

6 Comments on “Warning! The following is fantasy, not reality

  1. Are there any varieties of thyme that glow in the dark?

  2. Humorous, well, thank you–and thymely too since this is prime thyme for herb growing. Our thyme is now blooming; cilantro is starting to grow strongly; spearmint looks the healthiest it has in years; chives are blooming; basil is ready to be set out into the garden so it can grow in time for the tomato harvest; dill has survived its transplanting from under the redbuds; and, alas, parlsey is bolting because they're last year's plants. Next year maybe I'll try to get out of the rut and try some new herbs. Suggestions welcomed!

  3. You may wish to consider growing this new thyme in large quantities. I suspect it could be a real hit at farmer's markets as you call out “If you've got the money, I've got the thyme!”

  4. Better still, why not sell quantities at medical conventions. The cry there: “Thyme heals all wounds.”

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